Disappointment

Hi Guys…..after having a great birthday I’m then faced with a great disappointment. My daughter applied to do her Phd at South Florida University. She was accepted with a Fellowship and went through all the ups and downs to get vaccines, student visa, documentation, pay for this, pay for that, pay for apartment and more only to realise that because they were sending the information piece by piece that the number of credits she has to do, the fellowship only covers part and the remaining credits she has to pay for them and its quite a bit of money. Please note that USD$ is seven to one for us so the $7,000 extra she now has to find is equivalent to $49,000 to us. HOW DISAPPOINTING!!!!

She considered taking a student loan but again the conversion for us is major and she will probably have to borrow a lot to cover all her semesters for the next 5 years of the program….that’s a lot of mula which I can’t help with and taking a loan will mean she is stuck with that debt for years. And thus my conversation about disappointment. This child of mine is the most upbeat of all my 4 kids. The most positive and helpful and considerate but right now, she is very quiet. I can totally understand. I remember a time in my life where it seemed as if everything I wanted didn’t work out. I did SATs because I wanted to study abroad only to be told by my parents that they couldn’t afford me studying abroad and why do a degree anyway? Go find a job and work for 33 years and then get married and so on and so on, blah, blah, blah….the typical drab existence

NO, NO, NO!!!! That wasn’t for me. Yes I couldn’t go abroad but what was my other option? Study here, which I dd and I gained my degree right here at our University. But again I know that during that period of constant disappointment I changed. I no longer got excited about things and wanting things. My attitude was one of , OK if I got it fine if not whatever. This was my way of dealing with the pain of disappointment. We all deal with disappointments differently, some people become bitter, some become negative, some bounce back and look at the brighter side and some find other options to get what they want.

As I mentioned, I wasn’t able to study abroad but I did gain my Degree and yes I worked for 10 years, but then I left the working world and instead of working for a company I started my own business, which is what I run today with my husband. It’s through that business I was able to let 2 of my kids study abroad, so Life can take a different turn based on the attitude you take. I still feel disappointed that I never got to study abroad and I wonder sometimes how my life would have been if I had, but from the path I did take, I got an amazing husband, 4 amazing kids and 2 of them were able to do what I wasn’t able to. They studied abroad and did extremely well. That is why I’m so disappointed for my daughter. Disappointed that I can’t help her this time to go pursue her Phd. but everything happens for a reason. She will probably have to do her Masters here instead and that is an option I’m suggesting to her. She’s a bit sad but her spirits lifted a bit when she realised that as she was saving so much money she can play Carnival next year….Kids!!! Always thinking of a party to chase away the blues.

Let’s look at the clinical side of Disappointment. What is the definition of Disappointment? A sadness or displeasure caused by the non-fulfilment of one’s hopes or expectations. Is it an emotion? The Psychology of Disappointment. The study of disappointment is just in its infancy, but there is a definite physiological aspect to what happens in the brain, when people experience the emotion we call “disappointment.” . But when things go wrong: You feel frustration, regret and yes..…often disappointment. Let’s look at the clinical side of handling Disappointment.

How do you recover from disappointment?

  1. Face the truth of the situation.
  2. Allow yourself to mourn lost dreams.
  3. Don’t get stuck feeling like a victim.
  4. Check if your expectations are realistic.
  5. Be kind to yourself.
  6. Look for the silver lining.
  7. Be willing to try a different approach.
  8. Find your grit.

How to Deal with Disappointment?

Adjust Your Mindset

  1. Let your feelings out; it’s natural that you feel upset or even inconsolable.
  2. Put your problems in perspective.
  3. Be grateful.
  4. Take some time to heal.
  5. Take some time to reflect on what you can learn from your situation.
  6. Adjust your expectations.
  7. Strain to see the silver lining.

So far what I’ve seen my daughter do is try to find other options, weigh the ones she has and make a decision, because she has a lot of changes to suddenly make due to this drastic change in plans. She might still take the trip to South Florida since she has the ticket and a paid for apartment. Just stay for a week as a vacation, then come back home. She resigned from her job so now she has to see if she can rescind that and keep her job. Check for other fellowships or scholarships that can finance the entire program she wants to complete rather than just part of it. Decisions, decisions, decisions…..

I’m very sad for her because I was looking forward to her new adventure in life and it’s very disappointing for me, but seeing her disappointed is far worse. Why? Why do these things happen, and to the best people? Only God knows, maybe it’s not the right time for her, but to go through all that organising and to have this happen when you’re supposed to leave in 2 weeks, that’s the part that upsets me. I’m sorry guys…I’m ranting but I”m just sad, mad and upset, but life goes on. Let’s see how this works out and time will tell what was the benefits of this disappointment.

See you guys later, love you all.

PS. – UPDATE:

3 Days later after my daughter tried contacting the University to verify the info, she got one person who said she doesn’t really know but that is what the email says. then my daughter was able to get in touch with the person in charge and, to make a long story short, the email doesn’t apply to her so PEOPLE!!!!…..SHE IS GOING TO DO HER Phd!!!!! YES!!!! God is always so good. Amen and Amen.

Referrences:

  • The Psychology of Disappointment
  • 8 Ways to Bounce back after a disappointment | Psychology Today
  • How To deal with Disappointment | Wikihow

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s